Work In Progress

‘Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.’

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I’ve got people telling me ‘Wow! You have such a great body’, ‘I wish I had your body’ or ‘Body goals’, but what they fail to realise that there are days when I still have issues with my body.

I used to be in a group of four girlfriends and people don’t know this, but when I hang out with them, I always feel body conscious. Why? I’m not a size L, hell I’m a size XS for God’s sake! But my friends are like stick-thin and tall! Compared to them, I feel so…..muscular?

And every time I would mentally beat myself us for my “flaws”. I realised that I don’t have the most important thing in the world: self-love.

I always have this mentality that I’m just not good enough. Not long ago, an ex told me the reason why he became distant during our relationship was because he felt suffocated by me. I felt so shitty and was just blaming myself for it. And the wake-up call was when my Mum asked me why I’m giving myself all this shit. I realised that there’s nothing wrong with me, I wanted a normal, mature relationship where I can communicate with my partner (which I can happily say I am in one now with Shah). Why am I beating myself up over an ex who’s so bloody immature? Why am I blaming myself when it’s never my fault?

The same thing with body issues. I’m just picking on my body, things that I don’t even have, and not appreciating the things I have.

There are days when I still feel my thighs are too big or my arms are too muscular or my boobs are too big! I semi-joked to Shah that I think I have prostitute boobs, and he always tell me that there’s nothing he would change about my body. He loves it the way it is. If my bf can love me, why can’t I love myself?

I’m sure I’m not the only girl out there who’s self-conscious of her body. I know I’m not fat, I never claimed to be. But many think that they have to have thigh gaps or protruding collarbones. That’s not the case. You can have none of this and BE HAPPY.

I’ve learn not to compare myself with anyone else. There’s nobody alike. You’re you, she’s her. Work with what you have. Embrace it. Love yourself, most importantly.

It sounds incredibly platitudinal, but no one will ever be able to love you if you don’t love yourself. What’s beautiful about it is that if you love yourself enough, you don’t need the validation from anyone else. 

Xx,

Nic

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